If I Had Bravery
by Chyna Deveroux
Summary: "This is the first girl, hell the first person I've ever seen you torn up about and you have the nerve to be here throwing yourself a pity party with pizza and wine, this is not the Kat I know" My take on what happens after 1x05
1. Chapter 1

**Kat**

"I booked a flight to Paris. Coco and I are going to try and work things out. I leave tonight". I felt my stomach drop. My smile beginning to falter. I knew that when I came here that she would need to forgive me and I'd have to earn her trust back. I was okay with that. I was ready to listen to every word she had to throw my way. I expected that. But this was something else. I wasn't prepared for this. This wasn't how it played out in my mind.

"Oh", was all I could manage. I no longer feel like I'm able to meet her eyes and begin to walk out of her apartment. She grabs my arm but I shrug it off. "Kat I-", Adena says. I put my hand on the doorknob ready to twist it, but wait to hear what else she has to say never letting my eyes leave the door frame. Hoping for just a moment that she changes her mind, knowing that once she puts her mind to something, she follows through.

That's what I had always admired the most about her, how strong willed she was. Never indecisive like me. And now that trait was my own worst enemy. I made the decision too late and was paying for it.

"I wish things ended up differently", I feel the tears brimming at my eyelids as her words slam into my chest. I leave without another word. Once outside it feels like a weight is being pressed against my lungs and I gasp a ragged breath, tears falling freely from my eyes. "Fuck!", I cry out. Not caring that people are now looking at me as they walk by. I take out my phone, loading up Coco's instagram as I begin to walk to the subway home. I stuff my phone into my back pocket, nervous as to what I might find. I would look later, I tell myself.

I wipe my eyes as I descend the stairs down to the subway station. I feel my body go through the motions. Swiping my card, waiting for the train, standing and holding the rail as my body sways from the motion of the train. It isn't until I get back to my apartment that the tears come again.

I slide down onto the floor in my living room, taking my phone out of my pocket. Wiping my eyes once more to see Coco's page. The broken heart she had posted was now gone. She hadn't replaced it, or added a new picture. It was just gone. It made all of this all too real. They really were working through their issues together. Adena was really leaving to Paris. I shut my phone screen off and threw it behind me on the couch. Getting up, I head to the kitchen and rummage through the fridge looking for the wine I had been saving for a rainy day.

"Looks like it's going to be me and you tonight", I say popping open the cork, grabbing a glass. I pour myself a generous glass. I head to my room grabbing my laptop. "Pizza and wine to drown my sorrows", I browse for the latest deals until I hear my phone ringing. I get up from the spot on my bed headed to the living room to retrieve my phone on the couch. I turn to see that Sutton is calling me. I cancel the call, not in the mood for talking to anyone. But then she begins to call again. With a large sigh I answer.

"Well hello, and why aren't you picking up my calls?" she says snarkily. "Covering up my sadness with pizza and wine, how's your day?", I say as cheery as possible.

"Wait, back up. What's going on? What's wrong?", I hear the worry in her voice. As soon as Adena's name comes out of my mouth Sutton cuts me off. "Okay well I'm coming over before you do anything stupid, and I'm bringing back up", before I can protest I hear the familiar click of the call ended.

Sutton and Jane arrive just as the pizza does. For the next hour I tell them about what happened at Adena's place and when she came to see me at work.

"I'm so sorry Kat", Jane says rubbing my back. I had managed to refrain from crying all over again, sipping on my wine. I shrug in response. "I won't get in the way of true love ya know, what's meant to be will be", I say looking down before meeting both of them with a weary smile.

"I disagree, you care about her. A lot. And you are just gonna let her go across the country for the woman she broke up with for you? Kat, you gotta fight for her.", Sutton looks me dead in the eyes and I feel her passion.

"I mean yeah.. Of course I care for her, but I'm not going to force her to be with me.", Sutton shakes her head.

"This is the first girl, hell the first person I've ever seen you torn up about and you have the nerve to be here throwing yourself a pity party with pizza and wine, this is not the Kat I know", Sutton waves her arm around the living room at the box of pizza and empty wine bottle.

I feel myself getting frustrated, smoothing back my hair I sigh. "Okay then what am I supposed to do? I've-I have work and assignments to worry about. It's not like I can just fly off to Paris and just magically run into Adena with a boombox playing some sappy love song", we all look at each other after I'm done ranting before we burst into laughter.

"You both are right, Kat you can't just give up. But Sutton she can't just abandon her work at Scarlet", Jane says furrowing her eyebrows in thought.

"Well I'm going to need a miracle right about now", I say finishing the last sip of wine in my glass and then sitting it on the coffee table. Just then, Jane shoots up off of the couch, excitement clear on her face.

"I've got the perfect solution, pack your bags Kat!", I look from Sutton back to Jane. "Uhh, this should be great", I say as I feel Jane yanking me up from my feet. "Get ready for operation get Adena back", Jane says with the most triumphant smile. Oh hell.

 **Two Weeks Later**

 **Adena**

My morning's have all been the same since getting here in France. I wake up first, go for a run. I grab coffee for me and Coco. We see a therapist and we either end up making love to erase our frustrations from the meeting or watching television in bed together silently. I think that things are getting better.

At least I'd like to think that they are. We aren't arguing, but we aren't communicating as much as I'd like. Anytime I try to talk about any issue, she kisses me. It isn't just a peck, it's as though she is kissing me for the first time. I end up breathless and almost forget what I was even mad about. But I woke up today, ready to not let that happen. We need to make this work, or not at all.

I walk out the door breathing in the morning air. The breeze running through my skin as I start a jog towards the park. This run feels different as I run through the things I want to tell Coco once I get back home. Of course I love her, but I need something in my life, someone who is consistent. I don't want to be tired of a relationship, I want to feel like every day is a new day of love. We use to feel like that, but then things got hard.

My train of thought is interrupted as a taxi honks at me to cross the street. I wave the driver off nonchalantly since I have the right away. The passenger window rolls down.

"Adena?", Kat's face emerges from the window.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kat**

"Fashion week, the premiere event of the year, in Paris. A handful of you will be going to cover the ins and outs of the event. Scarlet needs to pump out plenty of content from the team that will be going next week, I expect brilliance folks", and with that Jacqueline leaves the meeting with the fashion team. Walking past me she wags her finger for me to follow. Following her into her office, she closes the door before sitting in her chair.

"I want you to go to Paris, we need you there showing the media that Scarlet has the foot in the door before all other media outlets. It will be competitive, but I think you can handle it… Am I right in that belief?", this catches me off guard and my lack of immediate response causes Jacqueline to raise her eyebrow.

"YES, I mean yes, you are right in that belief. I can do it", I say nodding my head adamantly. "Great, you can go now", she dismisses me and I immediately go to find Sutton.

"Guess who is going with you guys to Paris?", I say practically bouncing on my feet. Sutton's eyes light up. "I may have told Jacqueline that it was a good idea…." She looks at me slightly guilty. I instantly feel my excitement die down. "You didn't", I say just as Jane walks up beside me.

"You didn't what?", Jane asks looking confused between us. "Well I may have told Jacqueline that it was a good idea to have Kat go with the fashion department to Paris. But I didn't tell her anything about the whole Adena situation. And I will be there to make sure you find Adena", Sutton looks sure of herself, smiling at both Jane and I.

I sit there with a surprised look on my face, mouth slightly ajar. A headache growing steadily behind my temples, causing me to rub them. "I can't believe this", I say incredulously.

"This is awesome, when do you guys leave?", Jane asks. "Well fashion week starts next week, so I believe we will leave two days before to make sure we have everything we need. Thursday we leave, so you have two days to pack Kat and get your game face on", Sutton walks away with a wink.

I slink down into my chair rubbing my face. "What if I don't even see Adena? Paris is huge", Jane sits on my desk. "Well I'm a strong believer in fate, so maybe you guys will just bump into each other?", I shake my head sighing.

"Yeah, maybe, but even then, what will I say? 'Hey Adena, oh what am I doing in Paris? Definitely not trying to make a fool out of myself and get you to see that we should give us a go again even though I screwed up the first time around", Jane gives me a smirk.

"Okay yes, it'll be weird, but you are going for work. You can just tell her that. You can think of what to say to her after that", Jane puts a hand on my shoulder as she leaves me to my vices.

The next two days seem like a blur. After almost not being able to get a new passport in time, to not knowing where the hell my terminal was, I was now sitting beside Sutton on the plane. We changed seats since looking out of the window made her more anxious. I looked out the window taking in the morning sky and New York city below us. I chewed on my lip thinking if this would go how I wanted it to.

She might be irritated at first, thinking that I only came to Paris for her. She wouldn't be wrong, but I still have things for Scarlet's social media to be done. And I'm in Paris, not everyone gets to just jet set off to Paris for fashion week. She's always been passionate about doing things that I wouldn't normally do, things that help me grow as a person.

But I try to not think too much of her greeting me with a kiss and telling me how happy she is to see me. No, I know all too well that this will be something that I have to fight for. I have to fight for her.

And then it hit me. She was the first person I truly wanted to fight for. The first woman that I wanted to fight for. I had never cared this much for another woman in my life, and I somehow fucked it up before we could officially be an us. Call her my girlfriend... My thoughts begin to scare me a little.

I put my headphones on and drift off to sleep with the sound of music to soothe the loudness of my thoughts.

" _Kat… Kat. love, wake up", I feel someone gently caressing my face. When I open my eyes, Adena is laying beside me, both of us wrapped in a blanket. "Omg we are naked together, did we?", I trail off looking at her inquisitively._

 _She chuckles. "It is your dream after all, you control what happens in it", she begins to play with the curl next to my ear. "So if I wanted to kiss you then it would happen?", Adena leans in to kiss me. I savour the kiss, my arm wrapping around her back pulling her closer to me._

" _Is there anything else you would like?", she says breaking the kiss. I take her hand into mine, intertwining our fingers. "I just want to be yours". She kisses all of my fingers slowly. "You already are, Kat"._

 _I feel my eyebrows furrow. "Then why'd you go to Paris? Because that really hurt", she kisses my forehead sighing. "I needed to see if me and Coco could still work. You are the one who left me hanging Kat"_

" _Kat"_

"Kat, wake up! We are about to land", I wake wiping the drool from the side of my mouth. Sutton starts laughing as she takes my sleepy state in. Still shaken by my dream, I give her a small smile. "I never thought I'd get to Paris one day, but here I am." I say getting my phone out of my pocket and turning it back on.

"This is going to be amazing." Suttons squeals in excitement.

The plane skids down the runway before coming to a halt. Everyone starts to stir, gathering their things. Stepping off of the plane, and into the terminal I am amazed to see that it's even busier than New York airports. I see Sutton talking to one of the fashion writers as they whip out their English to French dictionaries and guides. Luckily for them, I took enough French courses in high school and college to understand most of the signs in the airport.

"Guys, I know where to go to pick up our luggage, just follow me.", Sutton and the other fashion writers all follow me to baggage claims and we wait to pick up our luggage one by one disappearing to our hotels. 15 minutes go by, leaving me and Sutton as the last ones there to get our luggage.

A Week Later

Kat

"Yeah I'm gonna head to the park a couple of blocks away Sutton, no-no it's fine, go have fun with everyone else, I just need to get some air. And plus it'll be cool to take some cool shots for Scarlet's instagram", I'm on the phone with her as my cab driver pulls off. I hang up once Sutton tells me to be safe.

My thoughts begin to spill. We'd been in Paris for a couple of days now, with fashion week getting underway. I had tagged along to some of the pre fashion show events. Met some amazing people, made connections.

But I would be lying if I said I hadn't been distracted. Every time a camera flashed, I saw a couple together, looking happy. My mind wandered. Wondering what Adena could be doing in that moment. How she would capture these different moments with her own camera. Sutton forbid me from stalking Coco's instagram and I gladly agreed. I didn't want to see anything that might change things completely. I wanted to have some sort of hope unless Adena herself told me to-

As we get closer to the park, I look up rolling the window down to let the cool air calm my thoughts down only to see her. Running. She looked marvelous. Beautiful. I felt my breath catch in my lungs. Even with her hair in a ponytail and sweat causing some of that hair to stick to the side of her neck.

Realization hits me and I tell my driver to pull over. I yell her name out of the window, catching her turn around in disbelief just as a car honks at her. I almost trip trying to grab my purse and get out of the car. I walk up to her slowly on the sidewalk. Her arms are crossed on her chest, catching her breath.

"What are you doing here Kat?", she says cooly. "Oh uhm, fashion week. Jacqueline wanted me to be here since I'm in charge of our social media and uh yeah", I stammer as she stares me down.

She wipes sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. "That is great, that's great for you. Wow, sorry, I was just out for my morning run. This is pretty crazy", I see a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Ha, yeah I know. It's been amazing though. It is beautiful here and I've met a lot of people. I was just going to the park actually. Sutton and the other fashion department members are going on a tour", she looks at me, as if searching.

"Why did you not go with them?", I shrug my shoulders. I just needed to be by myself for a bit. And I saw that the park was only a couple of blocks away from the hotel we are staying at. She nods, before looking down at her phone. I don't say anything else, not having the words. For a moment she doesn't either, avoiding my eyes. "Well I've got to get going, I hope you enjoy your time in Paris", and with that she jogs away, in the opposite direction of the park.

I manage to keep myself together. Thinking of her words. She said them as though we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore while I was in Paris. And it certainly didn't help that I practically froze when I had the perfect opportunity. Fuck.

 **A Couple Days Previously**

 **Adena**

"It's not that we don't talk, we talk more than we normally do and I think that's good enough for now", Coco says talking to Dr. Loren. Couples therapy was always the same thing. Coco claiming a white lie.

"Sex has been great", Coco says. For who? "We are mending those broken fences within our relationship by setting all out on the table what we want with each other for the future", by table you mean when you wanted to be spontaneous and have sex on the table.

"I think we are finally breaking down the roots of our problems and solving them", she grabs my hand, running her thumb across the back of my hand smiling between me and our therapist. I'm breaking down the roots, but you aren't helping me solve them. You won't even try.

"Well I certainly see that the communication part has...changed", Dr. Loren looks between me and Coco slowly. Her eyes staying on me. "What do you think Adena?", she asks me finally after a moment. "I think we sho-", Coco interrupts me. "We are getting better definitely". She smiles before kissing me on the cheek.

Dr. Loren looks at her watch, sighs, and then smiles at us both. "Well it looks like we are out of time for this session. I hope to see you two back again if you so choose", Coco shakes her hand and turns to leave.

"Stay behind a second Adena?", I nod, looking at the doorway. Dr. Loren goes to close it and then sits back down in her armchair. "I notice that you don't get a word much in during these sessions, or look that happy to be here", I sigh, feeling like I am stuck.

"It's hard wanting to be with someone you love, but them not giving you the love you deserve", I finally say.

Dr. Loren nods. "Hurt people hurt those they love. And I think both of you are hurting. So naturally you both are dealing with it in different ways. But it seems as though she isn't willing to hear you out or try to take a healthier approach". Her words hit me.

"Thank you, Dr. Loren-", she cuts me off. "Please, call me Adele", she gives me a warm smile. "Thank you, Adele. And I guess we will see you in a couple of days", I say getting my coat to leave.

I walk outside, putting my coat around my waist meeting Coco in the car. "Sorry, was using the restroom", no response.

With everything that we had been through in the years that we have been together, I never thought it would come to this. Through the good and bad. I realize that I made a mistake. Coco lights a cigarette, rolling down the window, still not talking to me.

"I love you, even though it hurts", I say looking at her. She takes a long drag, releasing it before looking at me, and then back at the road. Again, no response. I feel myself starting to get upset. When we get back inside the apartment, I take my jacket off and my hijab. Running my hand through my hair, I head to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Just as I turn the water on, I feel Coco's hands land on my waist, her breath caressing my neck before planting kisses on my neck. "What are you doing?", I breathe out.

She responds with a nibble on my ear and one hand moving up my abdomen to my breast, gently squeezing and kneading it. I release a breathless moan. "Coco, talk to me-I want to know what's going on in your mind", I feel her tease my zipper to my jeans down.

"You are on my mind", she finally says, kissing on my neck tenderly as her hand slides down my pants, making me gasp when she reaches my clit hidden behind my panties. "This is on my mind", I nearly manage to suppress a moan as her fingers begin to rub in circles.

But then the conversation that I had with Adele runs through my mind. I take my hand and take hers out of my pants. I shut the water off, and without a word, I head to the bathroom to shower, locking the door so that I can get space. Once inside, I slide against the back of the shower, sitting, letting the water cascade off of me, letting all of my anger and sadness out through my tears.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kat**

"Yes, I ran into her and it was awkward as hell", I say walking around the venue for the first runway show, hours before it's start with Sutton.

She sips on her coffee as she makes adjustments to a rack of clothing.

"What happened? What did you guys say to each other? Are you gonna see each other again?", Sutton looks back at me with wide eyes.

"Oh trust me, it wasn't one of those kissing in the rain kind of moments. It was an 'Oh you are here, for fashion week, cool, have fun, k thanks bye' moment", I rant, throwing my hands up before pressing my hands against my head.

I begin to smooth my hair back in it's ponytail.

"Well that certainly doesn't sound good, wait… you ran into her, so she must not live that far from the hotel", she says matter of factly. I raise my eyebrow.

"I mean yeah, but I'm not gonna stalk her Sutton, she made it very clear that any chance we had is gone", Sutton shakes her head as I follow her toward the dressing rooms to be used for later tonight.

"That isn't what I was implying, I'm just saying… you not knowing where she lives is convenient. Paris is huge, and there are plenty of boutiques and restaurants around our hotel. You visiting them while we are here for the next week increases the chances of seeing her again", I sat on a stool near one of the make up counters, taking out my phone, loading up Instagram.

"Okay well you might have a good point, but I just don't know Sut. Maybe this is just how things are suppose t-" Sutton snatches my phone and cuts me off.

"Nope nope, we aren't doing this again. You are going to fight for her. Tell her how you feel. Have you ever done that?", she gives me a stern look.

I avoid eye contact and slowly shake my head no.

"I'm sorry, what was that?", Sutton puts a hand behind her ear waiting for me to respond.

"No, no I have not", I say quietly and then contemplate.

"Okay... well there was the day she told me she was going to Paris. I had planned this whole speech, but then when I saw her… I kind of said less than planned. So I guess you can say that she knows a little bit of how I feel", Sutton looks at me and then sighs.

"I guess that's better than just nothing then", she bites her lip before exhaling deeply.

With her hand on her hip, she reaches out to give me back my phone.

I reach for it, but not before she moves it back to her chest.

"I'm not giving this back if you plan on stalking Coco's instagram either", I groan.

"Fine, fine! I won't", she hands me the phone.

"Good because torturing yourself will not help you get your woman, but going out to lunch with me will. Come on, we've got an hour to spare", I roll my eyes as Sutton grabs my hand pulling me off of the stool.

"Okay well lunch is on you", I grin as she gives me a thumbs up making our way out of the building for lunch.

We settle on a little cafe that's across the street from our hotel.

I order our food and get our locator to put on our table as Sutton finds a place for us to sit.

I find her on the second story of the cafe, with the most gorgeous view of the city.

There's only 5 other people at different tables on the balcony. I set the locator down on the table, draping my blazer on my chair.

"Omg Kat these photos you took for Scarlet's Instagram are so good, why didn't you get into photography?", Sutton gushes, looking from me to her phone, scrolling.

I shrug. "I like it, it's not that hard to take a decent picture", I say nonchalantly.

"Well these aren't just _decent_ and I think the other press and media can't match up to this.", she looks at me and clicks her phone shut.

"Thanks, I guess I'm just distracted a little" I let my hair down from out of my ponytail.

"Look Kat, I'm going to give you some tough love here-", our locator begins to vibrate. Then before we know it, a waitress comes up to our table with drinks and our sandwiches.

We thank her as she leaves, both of us tipping her.

Sutton takes a bite of her sandwich before beginning again.

"Like I was saying earlier, if Adena can't see what she has in front of her, then to hell with it.", I roll my eyes.

"I'm not-", Sutton puts her finger up, telling me to wait.

"Just listen okay? I love you. And I will support whoever you decide to be with if they make you happy. But I'm going to tell you how it is as your friend. So if it comes up that Adena really is serious about you two not giving each other a go… there are tons of guys..girls.. People who would be lucky to have you in their lives.", I feel myself tear up a bit so I sip on my drink.

Dabbing at my nose with the napkin, sniffling, Sutton grabs my hand, giving it a little rub.

"Thanks Sut, you and Jane have been my rocks through so much", she waves me off.

"You know we love you, Kat, don't forget that", she lets go of my hand and gets up.

"I'm going to the restroom real quick", she says.

I content myself with the rest of my sandwich, looking out at the view, taking in the sun.

"Man I wish this could be an every day thing", I take a bite of my sandwich and look down over the railing beside me.

I nearly choke at what I see.

Adena and Coco, arguing. I can just barely hear them. Only managing to make out a couple of words.

"You…..can't….kids…...over…..necessary…..happiness…..love" I hear these words thrown between them.

I lean back in my seat, getting out my phone to text Sutton, but she comes back to our table looking mortified.

"I just saw Adena and Coco", she says cautiously.

"Oh yeah, I saw them too.", I say blinking trying to figure out what just happened.

"It didn't look good. They were really heated", I shake my head.

"I even saw Adena with a suite case", Sutton mentions, sipping on her drink.

"Yeah I'm sure that they- wait what?", I realize what she's said and look back down onto the street, where neither of them are anymore.

"Yeah she was carrying a large suite case", I look down at my phone just as I get a text message.

I feel my heart begin to beat quickly. Sutton looks at me, confused.

"What's wrong Kat?", I slowly show her my phone.

"Can you meet me at the park? What are you waiting for?", Sutton grabs her bag before grabbing me.

I rush to grab my blazer. "You are going to the park, if you run a little late, I'll vouch for you, but make it quick ok?", we walk down stairs and then out the door.

My palms get sweaty as I walk in the direction of the park. It takes me a good 20 minutes. I make it to the park, trying to not look so suspicious looking for Adena.

Then I spot her. She is leaning back on a bench, wiping her cheeks almost rhythmically.

As I get closer, she turns her head towards me, almost as if she sensed me coming. I sit down beside her. "Hey", she says.


	4. Chapter 4

**Adena**

 **Same Day, Hour Previously**

I had all of my things packed. I couldn't do this anymore. I was tired of feeling everything to feeling nothing. Coco and I were at the end of our rope, and I couldn't continue to hold on.

Therapy, talking in the apartment, years of make-up sex and telling each other empty promises that things would get better. I could no longer endure the heartache. I had to rip off the bandaid, now or never.

Looking at the picture on the nightstand of us from two years ago, I feel tears well to my eyes. I blink them back. I would cry tomorrow, not today. If she saw me crying, she'd know just how to comfort me.

I needed to be strong enough to make sure she knew that this would be the last goodbye.

I wouldn't let her touch me, or I'd feel myself begin to stay. Right in this apartment until we self destructed together.

I heard the door to the apartment open, I glanced at the clock, she came home from work an hour early. There's silence as I listen for her footsteps into the apartment.

She must have seen my bags near the door by now. With a large breath, I walk out of the bedroom, walking slowly to the living room. My feet shuffle against the carpet.

When I come out from the hallway, I see she is sitting on the island in the kitchen. With a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other, she looks up at me.

I can see that her eyes look tired, mirroring mine as we had our final argument last night. I hear her sighing as she lights a cigarette.

"So you are leaving then?", she takes a drag of her cigarette, eyes leaving mine.

"I'll stay in an hotel until all my business here is done in a couple of days, and then Friday I am leaving.", I move over to the table by the door where a bowl of keys is.

She nods. "Where will you after that then?", I avoid her eyes, looking only at the keys.

"Go back to New York, renew my work visa, maybe move there permanently", I shrug, feeling the weight of my decisions on my chest, weighing heavy.

I hear her sniffle before taking another drag from her cigarette.

I pick up my keychain, beginning to unwind the key to the apartment off of it. I look at the key once it's finally off, sniffling as I realize there is no turning back after this moment. I wouldn't allow myself to look back.

"This will be our last goodbye", I put the key next to the bowl. She stays silent, throwing her cigarette in the sink. Looking down at my phone, checking for the time I walk up to my bags and begin to move them to the door.

She chugs back the rest of her wine, a knock at the door makes her shoot me a look.

"That must be the front desk to tell me that my ride is here to take me to the hotel", I open the door, giving the front desk clerk a smile as she tells me what I already know.

Once she leaves, I turn around looking at Coco. Tears are running down her face, I feel myself struggling to hold back the tears.

"You will always hold a special place in my heart, but I need to make room before it breaks and you are no longer able to fix it", I say searching her eyes. I am hoping to see understanding in her eyes, but I only see hurt.

Coco nods, wiping away at her cheeks. "I won't be home much tomorrow, so feel free to come get the last of your things. I don't…. I uh don't want to get in the way of your happiness anymore", she chokes out the last part.

And then I walk out of the door. Closing it behind me, I hear her begin to sob against the door. I breathe out heavily, wiping away a tear that has escaped.

As I'm stepping out of the building, beginning to greet my driver who comes to take my bags, I hear running footsteps from inside the building.

Just as I put my hand on the door handle, Coco comes running out of the building yelling my name.

"You can't go Adena. We have history", she comes up to me taking my arms firmly.

I pry them away, feeling shock set in. I thought she had understood what I was saying.

"Coco, no amount of history changes how I feel. I'm hurting, I've been hurting. So I'm leaving because that's what is best for the both of us", I look at her, pleading as I look around to the people now staring at the spectacle in front of them.

"We had plans for kids, does that not mean anything to you anymore?" Tears are streaming down her face and she steps forward.

I shake my head backing away from her. "You have to let me go, this is what's necessary", a look of betrayal crosses her face and she is angry now.

"What about me? What about my happiness? I love you damn it", she raises her voice. I feel myself tense.

I open the car door and tell my driver I'm ready to go. "This is goodbye Coco, I won't forget you, but I have to let you go", I slide into the car and I feel myself sink in the backseat of the taxi.

My driver doesn't say anything, but he hands me a box of tissues as I start to cry.

He sends me a curt nod as he sees me sobbing.

I manage to pull myself together as we pull up to the hotel I'm staying at until I leave France.

My voice is rasp as I thank my driver and check into my suite. I leave my bags next to my bed as I lie back.

I feel the weight of stress, a broken heart, and overall exhaustion slowly lifting from my shoulders.

I feel myself begin to drift off to sleep, but am interrupted when a notification chime goes off on my phone. I look down and see that the Scarlet instagram page added a new photo.

I'd be lying to myself if I didn't say that I had been checking up on Kat through her postings for Scarlet's social media pages. She was enjoying her time in France and she deserved it.

I swiped on the notification and saw that she was eating lunch with Sutton at one of my favorite cafes to visit on this side of Paris.

But then a light went off in my head. I wanted to see her. I sit up, and grab my purse, making sure to put my room key in it.

Heading out of the door I text her to meet me at the park. I feel my head begin to spin as I wonder if she will be there when I get there. If she'll even respond to my text.

She was hurting still, I knew she had to have been hurting. But I kept my head held high as I made my way to the park.

It was beautiful out. Couples and tourists were out and about. Taking pictures and enjoying the weather.

I thankfully found a bench that wasn't occupied and sat down. My nerves making me check my phone for any sign that Kat was coming.

"She isn't coming", I feel tears spring to my eyes. I lean against the bench, looking up at the sky and allowing my tears to fall.

A breeze kicks up as I begin to wipe my eyes and cheeks. I feel as though they won't stop coming down. But then something in me tells me to raise my head.

When I do, I see Kat not that far away from me. She gives me a tentative as she gets closer to the bench.

"Hey", I only hope that it doesn't come out as a whisper as she sits next to me.

"Would it be too much of a stretch to say that something is wrong?" she looks at me and I want to avoid her eyes, afraid to see the pain I caused in her eyes. But when I look into them, I see only a kindness.

"Me and Coco are no longer together, and she didn't take it so well once I told her that I'm leaving Paris", I sniffle and she rubs my back, cautiously at first, but I feel myself lean into it. Which gives her permission to rub my back with more intent.

"Do you know where you are going?", she looks at me with worry and I sigh. Biting my lip before I inhale and exhale deeply.

"I'm going to New York. Maybe try to extend my visa, if all goes well, maybe just move there for good.", Kat stops rubbing my back and her eyes have gone big, mouth agape.

"Oh, well if you need any help, just tell me", she says finally after a moment of silence.

"Of course, I'll finally get more decorations for my apartment there and make it look more homely. I need more consistency in my life ya know?", she simply nods in response.

"I'm sorry about Coco though, I know that you two had-", I cut her off, trying not to laugh.

"You don't have to tell me that Kat, I think you are only slightly sorry", she pouts but then chuckles.

"Okay yes, that is true, but you are still hurting. And that sucks. I don't like seeing you.. Torn up like this", she looks down, moving a curly strand behind her ear.

"Well I appreciate you being here for me. I didn't think you'd come", I say as she meets my eyes.

"Of course, I mean.. You are still my friend and obviously I still have feelings for you, but I care about you", I look at her mouth for a split second. Letting her words wash over me.

She catches me looking at her lips and looks at mine. It feels like time freezes and it's just me and her. I don't know who leans in first, but our lips catch each others.

She hesitates at first, but then I feel her hand pressed against my cheek. But then it begins to not feel right anymore, so I pull back.

She starts to apologize, but I stop her. "No, no it's my fault. I'm sorry. I just got out of a relationship.", I stand to my feet grabbing my purse. She stands up as well.

"I like you a lot Kat-" she interjects to tell me that she feels the same. "But… I need some time for myself and my heart. So when I get back to New York, we can just be friends. I'm not ready to give myself to anyone just yet"

She gives me a small smile. "Then I'll be the best friend there's ever been"


	5. Chapter 5

**Kat**

"Wait, so let me get this correct… you guys kissed?", I nod my head as Jane gets caught up with the events of Sutton and I's adventure during fashion week in Paris.

"And her and Coco…?", she makes a cut throat motion. I bite my lip, trying not to smile.

"Kat was totally her saviour when they met at the park. I had to pry it out of her once she came back to work though", Sutton gives me a playful look.

I feel my phone vibrate and take it out. A smile grows big on my face.

"What is it?", Jane raises her eyebrow at me.

"Uhh it's just Adena, she wants to get lunch tomorrow", I begin to type out that I'll meet her for lunch. When I look up both Sutton and Jane are giving me odd looks. "What?", I say before standing up from the chair in the break room.

"So how is this friendship going so far?", Jane gives me a curious look.

I shrug. "I just want to be there for her. She just got out of a relationship and I don't want to rush her." Which was true.

Our talk in Paris meant a lot to me. I was still hurting from before we both left for Paris and she just ended a pretty serious relationship.

When she was ready, no. When both of us are ready, we will see where it takes us. Until then, I'd just live my life how I usually did.

"Well I think you should focus on yourself. Date other people, don't wait for her if it's not written in stone ya know?", Sutton gives me a hug before she leaves the break room, Jane following.

My friends were right. Maybe I could play the field, treat myself to some fun instead of wallowing in my feelings like I kind of had planned before the craziness of Paris happened.

Adena is brilliant, but I'd be stupid to set aside my time and happiness if she wasn't ready for me yet.

I spend the rest of the day focusing on work. I gave it my best effort of not thinking of Adena.

Jane and Sutton offered to have me come over and watch movies with them, but I told them I needed some well needed time to myself.

Stepping into my apartment, my phone chimes.

" _Did you make it home okay?"_ It was from Adena. I send her a selfie with a thumbs up. And then I regret it, hitting myself once in the forward.

I slip my shoes off, turn my shower on and put some leftover pizza into my microwave.

As I put my phone on the charger, Adena texts me back. " _I'm glad, can't wait for lunch tomorrow"_

I settle for not responding back and strip myself of my clothes before heading into my shower.

I let the hot warm shred away the tension in shoulders. My mind begins to relax as I begin to lather body wash onto my body.

I accidentally tug on my nipple, making it hard. My body reacts to this and I feel my walls throb slightly.

Feeling adventurous, and as I hadn't masturbated in what seemed like forever, I let my hands tug on my nipples harder, watching and feeling them get harder with each tug.

My fingers graze against my folds, teasing my clit. I think of how soft Adena's fingers would feel rubbing my clit, and begin to rub it myself.

Lifting my leg up on the edge of the tub, I slowly tease my entrance with two fingers. Imagining how expertly Adena would probably find my gspot, I curve my fingers inside of me, biting back a soft moan.

I feel my walls tighten around my fingers as I quicken the movement, feeling my wetness increase.

Leaning against the wall of my shower, I feel my walls begin to throb with anticipation of my climax. I begin to moan out Adena's name, almost guiltily as I get closer and closer.

The moment is ruined when my leg begins to shake and my foot slips off of the side of the tub, making me grab onto the shower curtain to re-establish my balance.

"Fuck fuck fuck" I say as I almost fall completely.

Getting up, I feel a small pain in my thigh. I realize that I must have hit my thigh as I tried to catch myself.

"Well I hope that doesn't bruise", I get out of the shower and rub my thigh sitting on the side of my bed in my towel.

No longer in the mood after nearly knocking myself out in the shower, I put a tshirt and underwear on to bed.

As I drift off to sleep, I see my phone light up, but my tired body doesn't let me reach for it.

As soon as I close my eyes, I feel like they are open again, this time met by sun streaming through my curtains that I forgot to close when I got in last night.

I look at my phone and see that I have several notifications, but I'm not awake enough yet to check them.

I get up, stretching my arms, thankful that it's my day off. I groan as I stretch before getting up to brush my teeth.

A sneaking suspicion tingles up my spine as I brush my teeth though and I feel like I've missed something. As I wash my face though, I realize it immediately.

Drying my face off quickly, I rush back to my phone and look at the notifications. Jane and Sutton had sent me various messages.

" _In slight drunk stupor we may have signed you up for Tinder, love you sorry"_ , I read from Jane.

The other notifications were from Tinder. Apparently they had done some swiping for me as I looked at about 10 matches already.

I text Jane back and tell her that she is lucky that I love her and that she owes me lunch and a coffee.

12 o'clock rolls around and I text Adena that I'm on the way to the restaurant she picked for us for lunch. While in the cab on the way there, I decide to look at Tinder.

A brunette named Shannon, blue haired Liv, and Audrey with the bangs. I swipe right on them, only because the idea of playing the field amuses me.

As soon as I step foot in the restaurant, I spot Adena near a window seat. She waves my way.

"Hey", I say softly. She seems to be glowing and greets me with a smile.

"So I have good news", she says as a waitress sets down two glasses of water in front of us.

"Well please do share", I take a sip of my water and look at my menu, but glance at how excited she looks.

"My work visa has been extended and I'm finally looking into staying here on a more permanent basis.", she does a little excited jig and I feel my heart leap.

"Oh my god Adena that is amazing. I'm so happy for you", she nods, biting her lip.

Her smile gets bigger. "Yeah I mean, I've got an apartment here already. A gallery, and plenty of clientele here in New York. It feels like home a lot of the time, it feels right for me"

"Well I say we should cheers to that", I hold up my glass and she clinks her glass against mine.

Lunch continues on and we are talking about many things. I lose track of time until my phone rings, I see that I've got a new match on Tinder.

I go to click the my screen off, and look up to see Adena looking at my phone on the table.

"Looks like someone is living the life on Tinder", she sips her water with a small smile to follow.

"Yeah uh, it was Sutton and Jane's doing. They made me an account, I got all of the notifications so I just downloaded the app to see what all the fuss was", I explain, feeling like I had just been caught red handed.

"Well I mean, that's great you know. You should be enjoying yourself", her smile changes to a more serious look, but there's a look in her eyes that says more than what she is saying.

Before I can respond, she looks at her watch. "I have to go actually, important meeting to get to, but uhm... thank you for joining me for lunch", she gets up, leaving a 20 dollar bill and hurries away giving me a small smile as she leaves.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I felt confused the rest of the day. An hour after lunch, I sit in my apartment trying to watch tv on the couch. Had she gotten jealous?


	6. Chapter 6

**Kat**

After having lunch with her, I didn't hear from Adena for two days. Albeit, I was a little upset, but I understood why.

It almost stopped me from meeting up with one of my Tinder matches until Jane and Sutton threatened me while we ate take out in their apartment one night.

"No, you are going on that date, she made it clear that she isn't ready, we aren't gonna let you wallow after her", Sutton said in between bites.

"Exactly, you need some fun and this girl clearly likes you", Jane said pointing to the picture of my Tinder date, Iris. She was black, same age as me. She worked at a restaurant as head chef. She had some sick ass tattoos too.

"Okay you guys are right, but you should have seen Adena's face. It was like she got hit in the chest", I sigh.

"We get that, and we understand that you two obviously have this star crossed lovers thing going on, but that doesn't take away from both of you needing to take time for yourself", Jane said matter of factly.

"We just don't want you to get hurt again, Kat. Just have some fun, pick up a new hobby", Sutton chimed.

"I appreciate you guys. Ugh, I just wish things had ended differently, or started differently. I dunno", I slide down against the couch with my hands covering my face.

Jane and Sutton slide closer to me on both sides and move my hands.

"Let's concentrate on this date then, you need a distraction. Where are you guys going?" Jane asks handing me my glass of wine.

"She told it's a surprise but to bring an extra pair of clothes that were comfortable", Sutton raises her eyebrow.

"Please send us pictures because now I'm curious", Jane responds and Sutton nods.

I spend the rest of the night at my apartment. I am surprised while I get ready for bed that Iris messages me. She sends me a bad joke, that actually makes me laugh out loud.

" _I hope that made you smile, I remember you telling me that your day had been stressful_ ", she messages me back. This makes me smile even more.

I'd be playing if I said we didn't hit it off. Before I know it, it's 2am and we are still talking. I feel my eyes finally getting tired and tell her.

We say our goodnights and I drift off to sleep.

The following day is the day of my date and I feel my nerves begin to surface. I get dressed in my most comfortable athletic wear I have.

I grab my phone and tell Iris that I'm ready and she tells me that she is heading up the elevator now.

Just as I grab my keys, I hear a knock at my door. Iris is waiting with flowers. They are lilies. My favorite flowers actually. "Oh wow, these are beautiful, how'd you know?", she smirks.

"My intuition. I was rushing to get ready because I had some business to handle before I came over and something just told me to get them for you". I smell them again, before getting a vase of water and putting them in it.

"I guess we should head out then", I say as we start to leave.

We get in her car and she turns some music on. The silence between us isn't awkward, but yet very comforting. I catch her stealing glances of me every now and then and it makes me smirk.

We soon pull up into a parking garage and she still hasn't told me where we are going.

"Okay so I love this place and I hope you have some fun because you seem like you have been needing it", she says.

She opens the door that connects to one of the levels of the garage and we are met with the sound of music, kids running around various trampoline obstacles.

She looks at me expectantly. "I hope you are prepared to get destroyed in some trampoline dodge ball", I say with a mischievous grin. She returns the same look.

"Oh you are so on", she says as we head inside.

After almost two hours of jumping and having more fun than I have had in a long time, we change our clothes and head out to dinner.

We get to this chill, modern restaurant. "I've been wanting to check this place out with my friends", I say as she opens the door for me.

"I know the owner so we'll get the best stuff. The steak is really good here", she says and leads me to a table on the balcony.

I look around, a little confused as to why we weren't seated by one of the staff.

"It's packed in here, how did you get us a table?" I ask getting comfortable in my seat.

"I know the owner", she shrugs with a smirk. Before I can ask anything else, a waitress comes up to us.

"How are you doing tonight boss?", she says handing us menus.

"I'm doing great, using this day off to have some fun with good company", Iris winks at me. "How are you doing?", she asks her employee.

I let them have small talk as I stare at Iris in disbelief. Once we are alone again she chuckles at the look on my face.

"You know the owner huh?", I tease before sipping on the glass of water.

"I love cooking, and it's led me to owning my own restaurant at a fairly early age. Most nights I'm walking around the restaurant greeting people, helping the kitchen and what not, but I just wanted to relax in my favorite place with you", the wine she ordered arrives just in time and we make a toast to her restaurant and how beautiful our view looks

The rest of dinner goes off without a hitch. At one point I turned my phone off because Jane and Sutton were messaging me in the group chat, but I was too caught up with having a good time to care.

The night begins to wind down as we finish our dessert. Driving in her car, we put on the radio and start singing along to whatever comes on as she takes me home.

We pull up to my apartment and she gets out and opens my door for me. "Why thank you", I say, taking her hand as I get out of her car.

"I had a lot of fun tonight, thank you." I says as I make my way up the stairs to the entrance of my apartment building.

"We should do it again sometime", as she says this I can feel her getting closer.

"Yeah for sure, and I'll have my friends back at your restaurant too. So uh goodnight", I say.

"Yeah, goodnight" her hand finds mine and our lips are dangerously close until she pulls me and kisses me. Her lips are soft against mine, but I pull back.

My feelings conflicted as I can say I enjoyed the kiss, but not quite sure about the timing.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked I-", I cut her off, kissing her on the cheek.

"It's fine, I just have a lot going on and I'm still trying to figure stuff out about myself", she nods and kisses my hand.

"Well I can respect that", and with that I head inside.

I make sure she tells me when she gets home and then proceed to fill in Jane and Sutton about my evening.

An hour after getting off of Facetime with them, I see a text from Adena telling me that she is sorry.

" _I know I shouldn't have left like that, I want to hang out sometime, it's on me?_ "

I sigh, thinking of how to respond. But my mind runs to what my friends have been telling me and how much fun I had on my date tonight.

Focusing on myself first. I would just give myself distance from Adena for a bit. Things were still fresh and I know if I let myself, we'd be struggling to just be friends.

We had plenty of time to work on our friendship. Plenty of time to possibly build on that friendship with something more.

And even then, nothing was set in stone with Adena. Whether she would still be in the country, living in New York.

If she would even still feel as strongly about me in a month, or however long it took for us to get together. If we even do end up together.

I push these different scenarios out of my mind, not wanting to ruin the great mood I had been in for the past couple of hours.

So I set my phone down, not responding. My eyes get heavy as I get comfortable in bed and drift to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kat**

For the next couple of weeks, I barely talk to Adena. If either of us goes out during the night, we tell each other that we've made it home.

When we manage to hang out again, we get coffee, catch up, and then head our separate ways.

I had been on two more dates, but me and Iris had been hanging out more. I brought Jane and Sutton out to her restaurant and had a ball.

They told me that if we did start becoming more serious that they wanted discounts every time they came to eat there.

As time went on, I started to feel less guilty about being around Iris. Even when I was around Adena, Iris would shoot me texts that would make me smile.

The first time it happened, I felt bad because she had caught me smiling. But she played it off again, telling me that she is happy that I'm happy.

Which I know is true, but she couldn't fake around me, I knew her face too well.

But the more I stopped thinking about Adena when I was around Iris, the more I got to know her. So when she invited me out for one of her childhood friend's party, I gladly accepted.

And honestly, it was a little overwhelming at first. Growing up, I had friends of all backgrounds and ethnicities, but Jane and Sutton had been my closest.

Iris' friends were very immersed in black culture. I was not. Sure, I ran the social media for work and I was aware of black culture, but I was not as close to it as they were, or as proud.

My dad is white and my mom is black. I was told from a young age that my skin was beautiful.

But I never got the chance to connect with my roots. And everyone at the table understood that and kept me accountable for my words.

Iris tried to apologize for how aggressive they may have come off, but I told her that it gave me the push I needed to get to know that side of my family and culture on a deeper level.

I strive for inclusivity, especially with what my job entails, so I researched and talked to various family members for the next couple of weeks.

I began to feel like a better me. I no longer felt like I was hiding behind anything. Iris and I ventured to a sexuality exhibit and I started to really think about my sexuality.

The night that I pinpoint my attraction, I tell Iris as we lay in my bed watching a movie.

"So I think that I'm bisexual or pansexual. Being attracted to women is pretty new to me, but I know that I'm attracted to people's hearts", she looks at me with a proud smile.

"That's beautiful, I'm honored that you told me this", she leans down to peck me on the cheek.

"I know queer women call it Uhauling, but you make me feel comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time. I'm finding myself learning new things about myself and I really like that feeling", intertwining our fingers and scooting closer to her.

"Kat you are brilliant all on your own, anyone would be a fool to not see that", when she smiles, I feel like butterflies are swarming in my stomach and bite my lip.

Our eyes meet and it's like a light goes off. I lean in slowly, but then hear my phone chime. I look and check. It's Adena.

Of course it was her. Reading the message I see that it says she wants to treat me for dinner tomorrow night and have a talk.

"Everything okay?", I put my phone down and look back at her worried expression. I shake my head.

"No, yeah everything is fine", I scoot back next to her.

"Oh, well good. I don't want to make you uncomfortable with..", her sentence trails and I realize what she means.

"I've never had sex with a woman..but I think I'm ready to try.", Iris kisses me gently.

"Please feel free to tell me what you do or don't like", she says as her kisses become more intentional and less soft.

I feel my heart begin to race as her hands wander to my back, pulling me closer to her. My hand finds her neck, caressing it as I nibble on her bottom lip.

Her body shifts, pulling me with it, as she positions herself on top of me. Her knee gently nudge my leg, wanting it to move. She breaks the kiss momentarily.

"Is this okay?", she says searching my eyes. I nod with a smile before bring her lips back to mine hurriedly.

Iris lays between my legs, pressing one leg against her side and caressing it before moving her lips to my neck. I'll be honest, it has been a long time since someone other than myself has turned me on, so the moan is guttural and my walls tremble.

She begins to nibble on my neck, leaving a trail down to my collar bone. My breaths getting heavier by the minute, I watch as her hand slowly makes it way to my breast.

My patience begins to run out and take her hand and put it on my breast quickly. She chuckles at this, and I can't help but laugh as well. But the laughter is cut short when her hand kneads my breast, my nipples perking up immediately.

The fabric of my bra today was very thin, so she finds my nipple and begins pinching it gently.

Taking me by surprise, she leans up, taking me with her and kisses my lips passionately. Her hands are by my hips holding onto the end of my shirt.

She breaks the kiss, but stays close to my lips. "Is it okay if we take this off?"

"Only if we take yours off too", I say smirking.

We frantically take each others shirts off and she positions me back on her lap, kissing on the top of my breasts. My wetness begins to pool in my panties and my urges become more intense.

I tug on her hair slightly as she nips at my breasts. "You can take it off, the bra I mean. I can't take the teasing anymore", she has a mischievous look on her face.

"If you think that's teasing, you know nothing yet", her hands maneuver my bra off and my breasts are now exposed.

She admires them for a second, before licking each nipple. My moans are breathier now.

She lays me back, laying between my legs now, sucking on a nipple as one of her hands plays with the button on my jeans.

I feel her mouth leave my nipple, but put it back and guide her hand back to my button, giving her my consent to unbutton my jeans.

I hear the zipper slide down and my body shivers with anticipation.

She comes back up to my lips as her hand descends into my pants, but not under my panties. When her fingers come in contact with my clit I feel like I can't think straight.

Her soft fingers caress my clit in circles, making my hips jerk up for more pressure. She obliges, speeding up as our kisses become sloppier.

"I need more" I moan out. She stays silent, but slides back and off the bed to take her pants off and then to take mine off.

"I'm gonna go slow, but please tell me if something doesn't feel okay", she says as she crawls between my legs, kissing up both of my thighs.

I can't help but close my eyes as I feel my body sinking into the bed, her teeth biting a tender spot higher up my thigh. I dare myself to open my eyes and immediately regret it as she looks at me while her finger slides my panties to the side, her tongue then taking a long stroke against my clit.

I can't hold back the sounds coming from me at this point. But my mind explodes as she begins to suck and roll her tongue on my clit. The sound of my wetness and her tongue are bringing me closer and closer to my climax.

She takes my hands in hers, all because I began squirming under her mouth. I had never experienced this before, not this good at least. All my ex boyfriends didn't make me lose control like this.

But that's when I start to see stars as she eases a finger in me, eliciting a moan from my mouth, hands now grasping the sheets.

I had never been fingered. And now I regret never having asked for it before. Iris pumps her finger in me slow as her tongue still works on my clit.

Her other hands trails up to my breast, caressing my nipple. I feel my walls tighten around her finger just as she slides it out, and adds another finger, causing me to moan her name.

She takes slow but hard strokes, curving her fingers up to hit my gspot, making me bite down on my lip. I feel my orgasm building.

"Please don't stop, I'm almost there...so close", I struggle to get out. But she slows down, making me groan.

She chuckles at my groan before picking up pace, kissing on my thighs. I miss her mouth on my clit, but not for long as she strokes my gspot hard and fast, my walls tightening around her fingers.

"Fuck Iris", I say as my orgasm hits me. My legs quiver, I try my best to not squeeze my legs around her face as she slows down her pace before taking her fingers out of me.

"You've made a bit of a mess", she says kissing her way back up to my lips. I taste myself on her lips and can't help but to moan. It was all so new, all so good.

I break our kiss and kiss her nose. "Well I'm gonna go shower then", I say sitting up slightly, Iris still on me.

"Well let me join you", she helps me up from the bed and begins to strip down. I hear my phone chime.

"I'll be right there", I tell her as she walks into the bathroom. Looking down at my phone, I see that it's another text from Adena. Sighing, I open to read it. " _I really miss you"_. Fuck.


	8. Chapter 8

**Adena**

I don't get jealous. I never got jealous, ever. But then once I realized that Kat had been on Tinder, I felt myself not able to keep calm. I had to get out of there. Or I would have said something I would have regretted later on.

I knew she understood why, and she accepted my apology, forgave me even. But when we started to talk less, it made things difficult.

By difficult I mean that seeing her in the grocery store, with another woman I had never seen her with before. Her posts on Scarlet's social media, her own social media.

It was as if the universe was telling me that I needed to figure it out, or leave it alone for good. And I needed to figure it out fast.

So I threw myself into my work. I kept myself busy. And when we did talk, I cherished it.

But then right after seeing her for brief moments shared with coffee, I'd do my best to think about work, or any hobby I picked up.

But on a night that I was treating myself to relaxation after a long day, I decided to go out to eat at this new restaurant, The Eye, that had been around for almost 2 months now.

I hadn't found the time to go, but tonight I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

Dinner alone was fine. I didn't need someone else's company to have a good time. This night was about me anyways.

And no matter how many times my mind wandered to Kat's face, or the way her nose crinkled up when she smiled or how-

I snapped out of it as my waiter came up to me.

"Oh, yeah. I'll take a glass of water, and your best sauvignon blanc". After he leaves, I take in the restaurant and how beautiful it is. High ceilings, wonderful chandeliers, an ambiance created with the dim lighting and the jazz.

My drinks come, and I order my food. I feel myself begin to settle down, nerves leaving my body. That's until I see a woman, about my age, roaming around the restaurant, greeting guests.

Bright smile, larger than life afro. As I'm analyzing her, our eyes meet and she walks towards my table.

"I see you've got one of our house whites, I hope it is to your liking. Doing alright tonight?", she says and I start to realize where I know her from.

"Ma'am?", I put on my best smile as I come out of my trance.

"Yes, yes, it's lovely. Are you the manager here?", curiosity taking a hold of me.

"I am the owner/manager. I've always loved food, so I wanted to share that love with everyone ya know?", I can't help but be impressed. And a little embarrassed.

I had assumed that this woman was seeing Kat, romantically. But the truth is that I truly didn't know that or not. She could just be one of her friends.

"I'm Iris by the way", she hands me her business card as I tell her my name. Her face brightens up.

"No way! I love your work. I went to your gallery in Brooklyn a couple of months ago", she says shaking my hand.

I thank her and we talk a little more, before she has some business to handle. I don't let my mind get the best of me, as I don't know if her and Kat have any romantic feelings for each other.

When I saw her in the grocery store, they weren't doing anything…. Touchy feely. My food comes out and I'm floored with how delicious it is. I enjoy the rest of my night, finishing up with dessert. I leave a generous tip and head home.

Once I'm home, I draw up a bath and strip down. I watch the bubbles cling to my skin as I lower myself into the bath. Sighing, I lay my head back and let the hot water relax my muscles. It had been a long time since I had relaxed even remotely close to this, the last time I had gotten some real free time was-

With Kat. On our date. I open my eyes and look at my phone. Contemplating if I should text her or not. We had gone out for coffee a couple of days ago, but we hadn't really talked. I missed her, I won't lie to myself, I really did.

I attempt to not text her, watching Netflix, answering emails, and other mindless things. But my phone felt like it was staring at me.

Picking it up, I find myself biting on my bottom lip. "What would I even say?", rubbing my forehead I pull up Kat's conversation thread.

"Oh hey, Kat. I totally don't miss you, but I really want to see you", I mock myself. With one last breath, I text her.

" _Dinner tomorrow, on me? Would like to talk to you"_. I press send and feel like a weight has been lifted. I get ready for bed, setting my alarms quickly and plugging my phone into the charger to not see Kat's response immediately. But then my gut tells me to text her again, this time texting that I miss her.

I drift off to sleep and the last thing I remember is Kat's face.

In the morning, I don't get woken up by my alarms, but the sound of a text chime. It's Kat. She had said yes.

I try to not get too excited responding and suffice with a simple, " _Okay, will meet you at yours at 8"_. She texts back immediately with a smiley face and a thumbs up. And now to spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what I was going to say to her.

Sitting on my couch, I look at the time, I had two hours until I met with the citizenship office. I turned on the tv for background noise as I thought of all the things I'd been feeling.

It'd been a month, going on two since I told her that I wasn't ready for anything serious. I hadn't dated or even had anyone on my mind. I focused on myself, and I felt like I was happier. But every time I looked at Kat, I could only remember how her lips felt against mine, how happy she use to look when she looked at me.

If I wasn't busy, my mind was busy thinking about her. I was falling for her. And I couldn't get in the way of my happiness anymore.

But the problem was how she felt. If she still felt the same about me. If she even thought about me.

I spend the rest of the day running errands and going over what to tell Kat. I get back home around 6, rushing to get ready. I text back that I'll be on my way around 7:15 and she responds back with a thumbs up.

I scour my closet for something that isn't too dressed up or down, settling on black jeans, a teal blouse and black pumps.

By the time I'm done with showering, getting dressed and putting on my makeup, it's time for me to head out. I text Kat as I'm leaving my building that I'm on my way.

I'm lost in thought as I take the subway to her place, hands becoming clammy as I walk the block leading up to hers. When I'm coming up the elevator, I take a final deep breath, stepping out and walking up to her door.

Before I can even knock, she opens the door.

"Hey! I heard the elevator, I'm almost ready so you can sit anywhere", she gestures for me to enter. I walk into the familiar apartment and as she walks past me, I can smell her perfume and feel my skin tingle.

"You look great by the way", I say, trying to not sound desperate. She laughs and thanks me.

"I didn't want to be too dressed up ya know", I smile nodding. I wave over my outfit as I sit on the couch. "No yeah, I definitely understand".

She heads back to her room to finish getting ready. I look around, taking in anything that could have changed. There were a couple of knick knacks that had been added to her bookshelf.

I had always been very observant when I was with Kat, even if only a moment was spent with her. How she played with her fingers when she was nervous. Moved a stray curl behind her ear when she was particularly happy. I knew plenty of her quirks.

We went to this mom and pop Italian restaurant that I loved going to. After ordering our drinks, and ultimately our food as well, we fall into a comfortable silence.

I open my mouth to speak, and look up to see that she was also about to speak. "Go ahead", she says. I take a deep breath.

"We haven't really spoken to each other, like truly had a conversation in a long time", she looks down.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that Adena", I shake my head as she apologizes.

"It's my fault too. I used my work as a shield. But I have been taking time for myself and just generally happier than I was months ago. With Coco and just who I was as a person when I was with her", I pause looking away from her just as she looks up at me.

"And I miss you. Your aura, your personality. Your smile. I want-I want to be with you and see where this goes", I finally look at her and the look on her face surprises me.

"I..I don't know what to say Adena. I care about you. A lot, and it was damn hard trying to not think about you all the damn time. But I've been seeing someone. I've been taking time for myself too and I even figured out my damn sexuality", she chuckles.

"That's awesome Kat", I say trying to not focus on the seeing someone part.

"I'm glad you are happier, I'm happier too. And...I'm sorry, but I'm moving on. I can't jump into this and you turn around one day and realize that-", I cut her off, feeling myself trying to not cry.

"That's the thing though, Kat. I want you, I feel deeply about you. I don't know about the future, I can't give you that answer, but I know that for a while now, you have been the only thing I can think about", she sits back in her seat as our food comes and we both don't touch it.

"I can't take that chance. I don't want my feelings to be hurt again.", I look at her in shock. A mixture of emotions coming over my face now.

"I'm not saying that this is anyone's fault here, but you were hot and cold with me first Kat. So yes, I went back to Paris for Coco, to see if there was anything to be salvaged. And then there wasn't. I took some time for myself and to really figure out how I felt for you. I'm taking the chance here", she scoffs after I'm done. I furrow my brows in response to this.

I didn't expect her to be acting this way. "Are you really pointing fingers Adena? You of all people? Just because I love y-", she catches herself and looks at me, mouth open.

"Just because you have decided that you want to do something about us, doesn't give you a free pass. I'm seeing someone, and she makes me happy. I don't have to worry about the possibility of her leaving and not talking to me. And you are right about one thing. No one knows the future, but right now, I'm living for me. So right now, I'm going to see where things go with her", I stand up as she gathers her stuff.

"Kat, please don't do this." I try standing in front of her, but she brushes past me.

I sit there in frustration and sadness, hands in my face. I pay for the dinner, and then head outside to wait for a cab home.

I'm surprised to see Kat, just across the street, trying to hail a cab as well. We make eye contact and she looks more determined than ever to get a cab. I walk over to the other side of the street, standing beside her.

"I'll help you get your cab", I say and she turns to look at me finally. Tears are forming in her eyes.

"You know how you can help Adena? It's by not coming back into my life, just when I think I've figured my shit out, and making me more confused than you already do. You make me so confused and I can't help but fall back into your orbit", she says getting in my face.

"Kat I'm-", she cuts me off.

"No, I don't want to hear that you are sorry. I know you are. You are all I think about some days, and that's been like that for months since I've met you. But I need to do what's best for me", the tear finally rolls out of her eye and she quickly wipes it.

I look down and away from her eyes. I look up and wave at a taxi, they pull up to the curb and I hold the door open for her.

"You live farther away then I do, you should take this cab", she is finally looking at me now.

"No, it's fine Kat, you go.", she shakes her head.

"I may be upset with you, but you are still my friend. So just… get in. I'll get in too. I can at least feel better knowing you aren't out here alone waiting", she gestures for me to get in and I oblige.

I scoot in, telling the driver where to go. Kat slides in as well, looking out the window. It's silent until she starts going through her purse, I ignore it at first until she is visibly frustrated.

"Fuck where is it?", she says in a slight whisper. I turn my phones flashlight on.

"What are you looking for?", she looks up at me briefly. "My phone, I can't find it", she empties out the contents of her bag, and her phone falls out on the car floor.

I lean down to pick it up, at the same time as she did. Our hands brush, and it feels like a match has been lit. She leans back with her phone in her hand, and I lean back as well.

Neither of us says anything until we make eye contact, both of us checking to see what the other is doing.

Our eyes meet, and it feels like time slows down. She leans into me, catching my lips in a sweet kiss.

My head swirls as it lasts a while, my cheeks warm with her caressing my cheek.

Our tongues grave each other's briefly. She pulls away, looking at the driver, who seems to not pay us any mind and then back at me.

"We can't d-", I cut her off already knowing what she is going to say.

"Yeah, I know.", I lean back into my seat, catching my breath. I look out of the window for the rest of the ride.

Once we reach my apartment, I take one more look at Kat before I get out. She doesn't look at me. I sigh and get out, paying the driver and then heading upstairs to cry the most I had ever cried in a long time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Kat**

5 Months Later

"Babe, babe, come here, it's about to come on", I yell from across my apartment. She was in the bathroom washing her face.

Tonight a documentary was premiering about food service and Iris and The Eye were featured in it. It was made almost 2 months ago, and we were waiting impatiently that day for Netflix to finally release it.

She rushes out of the bathroom and sits beside me, putting my legs on her lap. The documentary starts and we snack, messing with each other. After that last outing with Adena, I had made myself and my happiness a priority. Changing up my routine even more. I even went to pride.

Granted, I'd been to pride before with friends who were celebrating their sexuality and the community, I only went as an ally. But this time, Iris and her friends took me and I had the time of my life. I lost my voice when we went to the drag show.

This time, pride meant something to me. A black, bisexual woman. Surrounded by other bisexual women. Other people of color, especially black people. It was new, and a little overwhelming, but it was thrilling and amazing.

We get through most of the documentary, and I see that she fell asleep, there's still a good bit left to watch so I don't move off of the couch, but drape the blanket on the both of us.

Iris had already been featured in it, but now they were asking locals what they thought of the food, the community, and what food meant to them. I beamed at the rave reviews. Until I saw Adena.

I choke on my popcorn as she starts speaking about the restaurant. She had been there. More than once at least. No one who had gone once would offer their opinion. Had she seen me?

My choking wakes up Iris. "Hey, you ok?", she sits up patting my back.

"Yeah, I'm fine, kernel got stuck that's all", I try my best smile to reassure her. She adjusts back against the couch, looking at the screen at Adena.

"Well I'm glad they've got some of my favorite costumer's on here at least", my face goes blank and I feel the blood leave it. I look at her and blink rapidly.

"You-you know her?", I ask her trying to act as normally as possible.

"I mean yeah, she comes in a lot. Names Adena. Pretty amazing photographer. I always talk to her when she comes in. I even got her to try the charred octopus. You know I'm trying to incorporate that to the menu", she says this with a smile. I return it, even though my smile wavers slightly.

"That's pretty cool.", I say nothing more after this. I hadn't thought about her in months. Sutton and Jane stopped talking about her after I stopped pining over her. And I had moved on, but why did seeing her...smiling… happy.. Just not sit so well on my chest?

We hadn't gotten closure from our last meeting. I still had her messages in my phone from her trying to call and texts trying to get in contact with me. Apologizing.

But seeing her face after 5 months, it was like all the breath was squeezed out of my lungs and the hands holding them weren't letting go.

And that's when I made my first mistake. Me and Iris were girlfriends. My mistake came from having sex with Iris that night in reaction to seeing Adena. It was a distraction, it was my guilt. Iris didn't deserve that. So when she held me close after we were done, I said sorry, tearing up.

She was more than confused. She rolls me over, wiping my cheeks.

"For what Kat? Are you ok?", she looks me over with such a caring look that it makes more tears fall.

I shake my head. I try to come up with some sort of lie. I wasn't ready to admit what I was really sorry for.

"I had a long day, I could have pleased you more, but I'm so tired. I just feel bad for that", her eyebrows scrunch in confusion before she smiles.

"Oh no, please don't feel bad for that. I am plenty understanding of that. I know you had a long day, I made you tell me all about it so I understand Kat. Please don't cry, I'm not upset", her unconditional support made my chest hurt. She kisses both of my cheeks, then my forehead, finally a peck on the lips before pulling me to her chest, holding me close.

I was going to end up hurting this brilliant woman. She deserved so much more than what I was giving. What I couldn't give.

But I didn't leave when I knew should have. The next day, Iris doesn't come back to my apartment, having to take care of some business for the restaurant and her closest friend coming to spend the week with her, so she was crashing at Iris' apartment.

So it gave me the time to confront Adena. I needed to know what she was doing at The Eye if she was such a frequent costumer, even being close enough to Iris to get to taste test new menu items.

I text her. " _I'm coming over, we need to talk_ ", I'm surprised that her response is almost immediate. " _Won't be home for at least another hour and a half, out for lunch. Rain check?_ "

It tugged at my heart that she wasn't upset in the text. Although she was mainly the reason for our latest split, I could understand if she was upset with me for not responding back to all her texts and calls. It was messed up of me and I was ready to admit that, amongst other things.

Then I made my second mistake. I grabbed my purse and headed to The Eye. Something was telling me that she was there, somehow talking to Iris. Somehow she knew about us.

When I get there, one of the waiters knows me and tells me that Iris is talking to a guest but that I can sit anywhere. I scan the restaurant and feel my heart stop. Adena was in the back, the glass shielding of the kitchen offering me a view of her taste testing something that Iris and the other chefs had made.

My mind races as I sink into my set, watching both of them laugh. How was any of this possible? Was this some sort of karma?

My waitress comes up and ask me what I want to drink. I ask her for water. And when she comes back with it, I tell her not to leave just yet as I drain the entire glass. She looks at me in surprise, before giving me another cup.

I stare at them in disbelief, they looked like the best of friends. But then Iris looks at something, her phone I think. And says her goodbyes, leaving out of the kitchen, through the restaurant and out of the door.

When I look back in the kitchen, Adena is staring at me, a look of shock on her face. She walks over to me slowly, eyes never leaving mine.

I watch as she sits on the other side of the booth. We both are silent, just taking the other in. She breaks the silence. "You're hair got longer", she offers. I feel tears brewing behind my lids.

"What are you doing here?", I say, afraid to know the answer. Afraid of the truth. "I was visiting my friend", she says, eyes leaving mine as she says friend.

I sigh, wringing my hands. "And who is your friend?", a tear escapes so I wipe it from my cheek. She looks back up at me.

"Iris, and by your reaction, you two are together. I just want to tell you that the first time I came here, 5 months ago, I had no idea who she was other than someone I saw you with in a grocery story. So when we talked to each other, we hit it off and we've become good friends and I'm sorr-", I cut her off.

"Does she know that I know you?", the tears are springing from my eyes, so I pick up a cloth napkin to wipe my cheeks and eyes. Adena shakes her head.

"No, of course not. I haven't told her", I laugh at this. I had some sort of luck on my side. Just the smallest.

"What is so funny?", her eyes look nothing but sad. I feel a crack form in my heart. Her hands lay on the table in frustration at my laughter.

I immediately stop. I didn't laugh at her. I didn't mean to laugh at all. It was just this whole thing was funny. How it all was turning out.

5 months without her in my life. 5 months to not think of her, get a girlfriend, feel like I've put a real foot in at work. Stronger relationships with Jane and Sutton, they went to pride with me.

But now here I was, talking to Adena. I had made this decision.

"I laugh because I tried so hard to remove you from my life, thinking that my feelings would go away, and I'd be able to move on, but I'm here feeling like my heart is going to explode, like my body needs just a touch", I look down at her hand. Her eyes follow mine.

Our finger tips were mere inches away. It was like magnets. Not able to resist just not touching. It never failed to happen. Slowly my hand moved to hers, feeling the electricity building between us. I'd have just one touch, just one. And it'd have to be the only closure.

Just as our fingertips were brushing against each others, I hear Iris. She was talking to one of her servers and then was headed in our direction. I quickly moved my hand back across the table to my side.

She was beaming. "Kat! I didn't know you'd be here, and I didn't know you knew Adena", she looks between us with a bright smile.

As if she got to spend time with her friend and her girlfriend. Like it was a good thing.

Then my third mistake happened. A tear rolled down my cheek, and Adena looked like she was on the verge of tears. I didn't act quickly enough to prevent a shit storm.

Iris looked between the two of us, silent as we were. Smile no longer on her face as she looked at the position of Adena's hand and our overall state sitting at the table.

I could tell by her face that her brain was putting the pieces together. "Iris-", she shakes her head cutting me off, putting a hand on the back of her neck.

"I don't know if this has been going on long", Adena cuts in this time. "No, I haven't seen her in months", Iris scoffs.

"I see you two have some catching up to do, thanks for making me your rebound Kat. It was an honor getting to know you. But I'd like for you both to kindly fuck off", she says calmly.

We both gather our things. Adena quickly leaving. I stand in front of Iris. "I know you don't want to hear this, but please listen to me. I didn't cheat on you. I'm sorry…. And I was falling for you, but I… I don't know. ", she nods her head taking it all in.

"I give you balls for telling me this, but I am worth more than an apology I should have gotten months ago. No wonder you never left anything at my house. I always thought that was weird, but I never let it bother me. I wasn't a new chapter for you, I was just a bookmark. For her. All those nights you were sad over an ex lover, she was it. And it never crossed my mind.", she walks away. So I left the restaurant.

And that was the last time I saw Iris. And I never tried to reach out, I didn't go to The Eye anymore, even if I'd miss their soups.

The next day, Sutton and Jane continue to make sure I'm okay at work. They make me come over to their place the day after that and we have a movie night. It made me feel better. But it didn't take my mind off of Adena. So I texted her.

And Jane told me that this was our last chance. Now or never. She was tired of me being sad and doing nothing, instead of at least doing something. And I was tired too.

" _It's time we settle this and figure out what to do_ ", I hesitantly press send and wait, laying on my bed. I get up pacing, feeling like I've fucked up. But then I hear the chime of my phone. Rushing to my phone, I sit on the floor, eyes shut as I open my phone.

When I open them, I sigh. " _When and where?"_ , she had sent back. I headed to the door with my keys and put on my shoes. Now or never.


	10. Chapter 10

**Kat**

We were to meet in the park at 5. My heart wouldn't calm as I sat on the bench waiting for her. I hadn't planned what I was going to say yet. I wasn't even sure if she would even show up. We needed to just tell each other how we felt.

Before I had gotten there, I made the smart decision to drop a box off with Iris' things in it at her place.

I knocked on the door and left, so just she at least opened the door. I hid around the corner to make sure no one else snatched the box. She opened her door and looked past the doorway for anyone leaving the hall. She gathers the box and I see clearly enough that she had been crying.

So yeah, it hurt to see her like this. Iris played a large part in helping who I was, who I was trying to be. But because of this… whatever it was with Adena, I couldn't stop myself from hurting her. It was inevitable from the start and it sucked. I went in thinking I could do that, move on and fall for someone else. But it only made me want her more.

When I saw her walking through the park, it was like falling for her all over again. Adena always looked stunning, she made sweats and a tshirt look like a fashion statement. But how the sun shined on her made my gut tell me that I was doing the right thing. Or least that's what I hoped my gut was saying.

She tucked a piece of hair that got loose back into her hijab, nervous as our eyes met. She sat beside me, adjusting her button up that was tucked into her jeans.

"Hey", I said wanting to say whatever I felt as quickly as possible. Just rip the bandaid off as fast I could.

"Hi", she says. Voice clearly thick from crying, making me pick at the the peeling paint on the bench.

"I love you", I say this without even really thinking. Her eyes get wide and then she looks like she is about to speak again. She scoots closer to me, taking a deep breath as she finally speaks.

"I love you, Kat. And I'm sorry for what I did. I'm not trying to get in the way of your happiness, but I'm tired of acting like I don't think about you and want more", as she says this, my heart feels like it might burst.

It was swelling with anticipation. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but my hopes were up. They were always up with Adena.

This had to be a dream I thought to myself. She looked too beautiful. We weren't arguing or crying, at least not crying because we were hurting. I pinched myself to see if it was as real as I hoped it was.

"Ow", I yelp. Adena looks at me with a smile.

"Why did you just pinch yourself?", she rubs the part of my arm that I had pinched.

"I didn't think we'd be saying that to each other", I said finally looking back into her eyes. There was an openness and there, like her heart was talking to me.

"Well I think that we both have finally figured out that this is not something we can keep running from", her hand lingers on my arm, thumb caressing it slowly, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

She was softer than she was months ago. She seemed more sure of herself, which if you knew Adena, wasn't that much of a stretch. She already stood and breathed, just exuded confidence and brilliance, but her looking at me now.

This was a woman that I was going to grow with it. Her smile fades though, and she takes my hand.

"You just got out of a relationship though… And I don't want to make you feel like-", I didn't want to hear it anymore. I had made up my mind. She had made up hers. This was happening.

So I kissed her. I kissed her with my tired heart. With everything in me, I made sure she felt it in my kiss. When I pull back, her eyes are watering.

"Be my girlfriend", she says wiping her eyes. "Let's dive right in, let's go on adventures and be in love Kat", I stood up and reached for her hand.

"Come on, let's go to my place", I say needing to be much closer to her. We walk to my place, holding hands the whole time. The sun hadn't set yet, but I could see the eyes we passed looking at our hands.

It felt like time moved slowly once we were inside. We took our shoes off at the door, and made our way to my bedroom. I was going to enjoy every second of us.

Adena's eyes trail my body as she guides me onto the bed, our lips inches apart as she lays with me.

"I need you", I tell her. I cup her chin as I kiss her passionately.

It was like finding water in the desert, I had been so thirsty for her. And I couldn't get enough of her lips. I flipped us over so that I was on top, but she breaks the kiss and looks up at me.

"Did I do something wrong?", I ask trying to understand. She points to her hijab and I move away enough to give her space to remove it.

Once she takes it off, her hair falls down and tucks a piece behind her ear. She reaches for my hand to pull me back on top of her. "You were doing all the right things, don't worry", she tells me before taking my lips onto hers.

She wraps a leg around my waist, pressing me closer to her as her hands find my neck, caressing it slowly as she nibbles on my bottom lip. I moan softly into her mouth as she does this, before returning the favor feeling her smiling against my lips.

This was different than all my other experiences. There was love here. There was a yearning that neither of us had tasted before. I could taste it on her lips, in the way her hands guided mine to the places on her body that she needed me the most.

I kissed on her next, feeling how her body reacted against mine. It was calling to me and I wanted nothing more than to oblige.

We both sat up, ready to take our clothes off. I took mine off first, and then she slowly unbuttoned hers.

We sat for at least a minute, admiring the other's beauty. We lean in to kiss each other, our noses brushing as we break away. It was like we had an unspoken as we both got up, both of us unbuttoning our pants.

I nearly trip over watching her take her pants off as I took mine off. She giggles at the sight of me and I can't help but laugh with her.

Once back on the bed, I lay between her legs, feeling her press her crotch up into me as I kiss on her neck.

"I need you Kat", this was the first time I truly felt her words. Adena wasn't always this vulnerable. I was seeing a different side to her. One that I was realizing I had earned the right to see.

I used my thigh as leverage as I pressed it in between her legs, feeling her body react accordingly. I nibble on the lob of her ear as I feel her moan, her breath tickling my neck.

I felt her wetness build and couldn't stand not touching more of her. I adjusted myself in between her legs, moving to the side and moving her leg away from me to open up her thighs.

I bite my lip looking at the wet spot that had formed on her panties before running my finger up and down the the area of the spot. She moans softly, bring her hips up to get more friction from my touch.

I put more pressure down as I move her panties to the side, revealing her clit to me. I needed to have it in my mouth. I slide back on the bed to be face to face with her clit. I inhale her scent before kissing her clit. Adena's hips jerk up. I look up at her as I lick her clit slowly, watching her face contort with pleasure.

It was turning me on just watching her, making me ache and even more wet. I continued to roll and suck on her clit, changing my pace to find the perfect rhythm.

I found it as her hand grabs onto my hair, slightly tugging. I didn't mind this as this was the reaction I wanted, to know that I was making her feel good, making her feel loved.

I ease two fingers into her pussy, feeling her walls relax to take them in completely. I make sure that they are inside of her, deep before beginning to stroke her slowly. Her grip on my hair increases slightly as her hips move up making my mouth follow her clit.

I take long and hard slow strokes with my fingers inside of her, every thrust I see her stomach twitch and tighten, orgasm building. My own clit begins to throb at the sight of this.

I speed up my strokes, every other stroke I make it a point to curve my fingers up to hit her gspot, making her moan out my name louder.

Her walls began to tighten around my fingers, she was getting closer. I wanted her to taste herself on my lips though. So as I continued to finger her, I kissed my way back up to her body, until I met her lips. She moans at the taste on my lips, smiling as she maneuvers her thigh between my legs, rubbing her thigh against my clit.

This elicits a moan to escape from me, already having been aroused by making love to her. If she kept this up, I would be orgasming with her. I begin to finger her harder and quicker, feeling my hips not able to resist grinding against her thigh.

I began to see stars as my orgasm was building, our breathing getting heavier and heavier until we both cried out. I slowed my fingers down, before taking them out of her.

Our noses were brushing against each others as we came down from our high. "We've been waiting for a long time to finally do this", she says between breaths.

I lay beside her, brushing hair away from my forehead, slightly slick with sweat. She holds me from behind, kissing the back of my neck.

"I'm glad that we are finally doing this Adena…. I want to make this last. Make the most out of every moment we share together. I know that this won't always be easy, but I'm willing to try", she turns around and kisses my nose.

"I hate that it took so long for us to get our shit together", she laughs, meeting my eyes. I see a sincerity there and a longing. I take her hand in mine and kiss her fingers. It all felt so right.

"Well at least we are here now, and we'll take it day by day if we have to", she nods, scooting closer to me.

"Until then, don't think I've forgotten about you", she gives me a mischievous smirk as her hand begins to caress my ass.

"I would hope not", I say just as she leans in to kiss me. I could get use to this.


End file.
